Nocturnal Emission

Imagine me, 30-something FEMALE elementary teacher, standing up in front of 25 10-year old boys and informing them about:
-the penis
-testicles
-sexual intercourse
-nocturnal emission, aka "wet dream"
-erection
-abstinence
-breasts
-wenis
-vagina/bagina (take your pick)
-puberty

Last year, my teaching partner and I pretty much ROSHAMBO'd to see who would be teaching the girls for Human Growth and Development and who would be teaching the boys.  Lucky me, I struck gold and got the boys.  So, I actually decided I would take care of the fellas again this year because it really was easy last year--the boys were so terrified that their female teacher was saying THOSE words that I think the only real questions I got were "So when does puberty happen?" and "Do I have to have sex?" That's cake compared to--excuse the bluntness--breast development, menstruation, and where babies come from.

Now, fast forward to this year.  We knew this was a much more open and curious bunch, but not until we had the "talk."  Holy moses...

I won't go into full details, but I will say pandora's box was opened.  The first question ended up being brought to me by my teaching partner in which one young man said, "What's a wenis?"  Giggles immediately filled the room.  My teaching partner suggested that maybe we had some vocabulary confusion.  But then in chimed genius boy who informed us that wenis is an actual term that means the skin on your elbow.  We quickly confirmed this with a visit to the online dictionary and from there the rubbing of the wenis plagued us as a major joke in class.  "Let's rub the magic wenis!"

And then came the questions--here are a few of my favorites:
Q: Does sperm come in different colors?
A: "No, sorry buddy it's just plain old white-ish."  What I wanted to say? It comes in sparkly and rainbow colors, too--thats how unicorns are made!
Q: Do I have to have sex to make a baby?
A: "In most cases, yes."
Q: Can you get a "rection" when you look at girls?
A: "Well, yes, you can.  Or if you touch that area or you might just get one." (Big eyes and covered mouths from several little guys)
Q: What's a nocturnal emission? How does it happen?  (Really?  You had to ask me this?)
A: "Sometimes that's called a wet dream.  You might get an erection in your sleep and ejaculate.  You might be thinking about something or nothing at all.  It just happens, kiddo.  If it does, get yourself up, change your clothes and sheets (your family will thank you for that one) and move on.  It's normal."
Q: How much fluid comes out during a wet dream?
A: (Seriously?) "That's one I just don't know, being that I'm not a dude.  Let's make sure you ask Dad that one."
Q: When you go through puberty, does your butt grow, too?
A: "Yes.  Don't you think it would look a little strange if the rest of your body was growing and your butt wasn't?  You'll grow proportionately."
Q: Will my penis grow?
A: "Yes, but everyone is different.  You won't look the same as your buddy just like some guys are taller, or heavier, or skinnier."

That's just a few of them!  I was actually very proud that they were so comfortable asking them of their female teacher.  They had so many questions I actually ran out of time during the lesson and had to tell them to visit me later with any other questions.  Crazy, right?  At least now I'm ready for prepping my own sons when that time comes...Oh, and the best comment?  Some little guy coming up to me so shy at the end of the day and whispering, "What's a bagina?"  I whispered back and his eyes got REALLY big!  "Ohhhhhh!!!!"  He said his family calls it something else. :)

Ack.

Otherwise known as the expression of disgust.  Not a good night for writing.  This exhaustion is getting the best of me.  Only got a little over 300 words tonight.  I'm putting myself on lockdown for the next two weesk---2,000 words per night or bust!

In the meantime, check out this awesomeness:
http://www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/3168588/Epic/

Must Write More Words

Wishing tonight had been a better night for writing.  Only 834 words on the YA novel.  Wish it would have been closer to 1,500.  At least I had something...

I will say this, though; after driving home Saturday night (leaving a friend's party) I had to pull over because I had the most amazing idea for another story.  Thank goodness I've been carrying a journal in my purse.  I pulled into a parking lot and wrote two full pages with lightning speed.  It's a gooooood story.  I had to tell my husband about it when I got home and even his eyes lit up.  Tonight I began writing it a little because I was hitting a road block in the other story.  I wrote a little over 800 words for that to start with.

Ok so not a bad night now that I'm reflecting...

Technology Musts for Writers

Are you writing as much as I am?  Well, if you are and if you love technology and tech gadgets as much as I do, you might find the ideas below AWESOME to help backup and pump up your writing.  These are just some of the things I find great for keeping my writing going and organized:

A good back-up system:  Having a secure place to save your work is essential.  I would recommend finding some kind of "cloud" you like.  Some people use dropbox.  I started using Spider Oak because it had great educator pricing (I do back up lesson plans and such as well as my writing).

A great program for organizing your work:  I was all for simple up until I started writing a novel.  Word was not simple anymore.  So, I searched around and found Scrivener.  Holy moly!  It's a rockstar of a program that can really organize all your notes, pictures, chapters, synopsis, outlines, etc.  It really will bend in anyway your choose.

An e-reader:  Wait, you're writing--so what's this got to do with writing?  Well, my friends, if you write you must read.  You must read AS MUCH as you write in my opinion.  I love my Nook Tablet--it fits in my purse nicely and on my treadmill when I'm running.  I compared the Nook, Kindle, and iPad.  The Nook fit my needs the best with it's size and expandable memory.  I will also say I do love the smell and look of a hard copy book, but having an e-reader has given me the ability to take MANY books and magazines with me without overloading my arms.

A way to take notes:  I still love plain old pencil and paper, but I purchased a Livescribe pen about a year ago and I love it.  It's great for interviewing (you don't have to take down every note as you're listening because you can record) and it just helps organize those brilliant thoughts.  Plus, you can upload it to your computer and take a copy with you on your laptop or even your iPhone with the pencast app.  Too cool.

And a few iPhone apps I love?
-Scribe--for taking notes--you can type, take pictures, include maps, or even write with your finger on a note.
-Pencast Player--for watching those cool Livescribe pencasts you make, directly from your iPhone.
-BlogPress--for blogging on the go.  I have it linked to all my blogs so I can drop my ideas on the go (and in bed sometimes when my laptop is already stowed).

Rummaging

Rummaging--what I found as I was wasting time on the internet today.

My old friend's NEW comics: Nat and the Beanstalk and Vasectomy Blues

Wish I would have had one of these in college so I could have ignored my professor and just doodled: Livescribe Pen (I do have one now for taking notes--great for interviewing and for remembering all the small stuff)

And, how about a Steamer Trunk? Anyone want to get me one for my birthday? :)

Check-In

I thought I'd try to occasionally post a "check in" of what's going on in my little world.

Currently: Finishing up report cards, getting eager to finish up the novel (first draft), hanging with the minions.

Listening: To the kids laughing while battling over Mario Kart.

Loving: That it's the weekend, even if I have a lot of homework.

Thinking: About the writer's conference coming up in July, wanting to get contacts because I keep forgetting my glasses at home, and having another beer.

Wanting: More time (but Spring Break is in a week--maybe I can get caught up on EVERYTHING???)

Needing: To feel rested. Yea, right.

OLW (one little word): Write.

1,000 Words

How tough is it to get out 1,000 words? Sometimes it's the hardest thing in the entire universe. It can be like punching your fist into a brick wall to break it down...nothing occurs, except bloody knuckles. Other times 2,000 to 3,000 words feels like a piece of cake. Tonight, 1,000 words was easy. I wish I had more time to write tonight, but I'm exhausted.

The writing is flowing nice, but I want my chapters to be a bit "meatier." I guess that will come in the editing round. It's coming soon, you know. My "SET-IN-STONE-DON'T-F-THIS UP" goal is to have the puny first draft done by March 31st. THEN it's on to major editing with full on add the details, but don't fluff for fluff's sake, time. Giddy up.