Thursday, March 29, 2012

Nocturnal Emission

Imagine me, 30-something FEMALE elementary teacher, standing up in front of 25 10-year old boys and informing them about:
-the penis
-sexual intercourse
-nocturnal emission, aka "wet dream"
-vagina/bagina (take your pick)

Last year, my teaching partner and I pretty much ROSHAMBO'd to see who would be teaching the girls for Human Growth and Development and who would be teaching the boys.  Lucky me, I struck gold and got the boys.  So, I actually decided I would take care of the fellas again this year because it really was easy last year--the boys were so terrified that their female teacher was saying THOSE words that I think the only real questions I got were "So when does puberty happen?" and "Do I have to have sex?" That's cake compared to--excuse the bluntness--breast development, menstruation, and where babies come from.

Now, fast forward to this year.  We knew this was a much more open and curious bunch, but not until we had the "talk."  Holy moses...

I won't go into full details, but I will say pandora's box was opened.  The first question ended up being brought to me by my teaching partner in which one young man said, "What's a wenis?"  Giggles immediately filled the room.  My teaching partner suggested that maybe we had some vocabulary confusion.  But then in chimed genius boy who informed us that wenis is an actual term that means the skin on your elbow.  We quickly confirmed this with a visit to the online dictionary and from there the rubbing of the wenis plagued us as a major joke in class.  "Let's rub the magic wenis!"

And then came the questions--here are a few of my favorites:
Q: Does sperm come in different colors?
A: "No, sorry buddy it's just plain old white-ish."  What I wanted to say? It comes in sparkly and rainbow colors, too--thats how unicorns are made!
Q: Do I have to have sex to make a baby?
A: "In most cases, yes."
Q: Can you get a "rection" when you look at girls?
A: "Well, yes, you can.  Or if you touch that area or you might just get one." (Big eyes and covered mouths from several little guys)
Q: What's a nocturnal emission? How does it happen?  (Really?  You had to ask me this?)
A: "Sometimes that's called a wet dream.  You might get an erection in your sleep and ejaculate.  You might be thinking about something or nothing at all.  It just happens, kiddo.  If it does, get yourself up, change your clothes and sheets (your family will thank you for that one) and move on.  It's normal."
Q: How much fluid comes out during a wet dream?
A: (Seriously?) "That's one I just don't know, being that I'm not a dude.  Let's make sure you ask Dad that one."
Q: When you go through puberty, does your butt grow, too?
A: "Yes.  Don't you think it would look a little strange if the rest of your body was growing and your butt wasn't?  You'll grow proportionately."
Q: Will my penis grow?
A: "Yes, but everyone is different.  You won't look the same as your buddy just like some guys are taller, or heavier, or skinnier."

That's just a few of them!  I was actually very proud that they were so comfortable asking them of their female teacher.  They had so many questions I actually ran out of time during the lesson and had to tell them to visit me later with any other questions.  Crazy, right?  At least now I'm ready for prepping my own sons when that time comes...Oh, and the best comment?  Some little guy coming up to me so shy at the end of the day and whispering, "What's a bagina?"  I whispered back and his eyes got REALLY big!  "Ohhhhhh!!!!"  He said his family calls it something else. :)

No comments: